Money is one of the most common causes of conflict between separated parents. Who pays for the school shoes? What about the football club, the school trip or the new phone? Agreeing how to share costs early saves a lot of arguments later.
Child maintenance and extra costs are different
Child maintenance is regular money paid by the parent who doesn’t have the children most of the time, to help with everyday living costs. You can agree it between yourselves (a “family-based arrangement”) or use the Child Maintenance Service, which works out an amount based mainly on the paying parent’s income, the number of children, and how many nights a year the children stay with the paying parent. GOV.UK has a free calculator to give you an idea.
Extra costs are things that maintenance may not cover, such as:
- school trips and uniforms
- clubs, sports and music lessons
- birthday parties and presents for friends
- glasses, dental treatment and other health costs
- phones, laptops and other big purchases
- childcare
Many disputes come from these extras, so it’s worth agreeing how you’ll handle them.
Ways to split extra costs
- 50/50: simple and common when incomes are similar.
- By income: each parent pays a percentage based on what they earn.
- By category: for example, one parent covers clubs and the other covers uniforms.
- Whoever has the child pays: day-to-day costs during your own time are yours, and big costs are shared.
There’s no single right way. What matters is that you both understand and agree it.
Tips to avoid arguments
- Agree before you spend. For anything over an agreed amount, check with the other parent first.
- Keep receipts. A photo of the receipt avoids “I never saw it.”
- Settle up regularly. Monthly is easier than one big, stressful total at the end of the year.
- Keep it separate from contact. Money disagreements should never affect a child’s time with either parent.
- Write it down. Put your agreement in your parenting plan so there’s no confusion later.
When you can’t agree
If you can’t agree on child maintenance, the Child Maintenance Service can help. For other costs, family mediation is often the quickest way to reach a fair arrangement.
How Chlikk CoParenting helps
Chlikk CoParenting’s expense tracking lets you log shared costs, attach receipts and see who has paid what, all in one place both parents can view. Pro adds automatic categories and monthly and yearly reports you can download, so there’s a clear record if questions come up later.
This article is general information for parents in England and Wales, not legal or financial advice. For advice on your situation, speak to a family law solicitor, mediator or the Child Maintenance Service.