You send a message about pick-up times. Nothing. You ask about a school trip. Silence. Co-parenting with someone who won’t communicate is one of the most draining parts of separation, and it often leaves you feeling powerless.
You can’t make your ex reply. But you can make communication clearer, calmer and better documented, which protects you and keeps your child at the centre.
1. Keep it to one channel
When messages are spread across texts, WhatsApp, email and social media, things get missed and it’s easy for either parent to say “I never got that.” Agree one place for all parenting communication, and stick to it even if your ex doesn’t at first.
2. Keep messages short and about the children
Long messages invite long arguments, or no reply at all. Try this structure:
- What: “Ellie has a dentist appointment on Tuesday at 4pm.”
- What you need: “Can you confirm whether you’ll take her or if I should?”
- When by: “Please let me know by Friday so I can rearrange if needed.”
Leave out the past, the blame and the emotion. A reply is more likely when there’s nothing to argue with.
3. Give a clear default
If your ex regularly doesn’t reply, say what will happen if you don’t hear back: “If I don’t hear from you by Friday, I’ll take her myself.” This keeps things moving for your child without needing their agreement every time, as long as it fits any court order you have.
4. Don’t chase, record
Sending five follow-ups in an hour can look like pressure, even when you’re simply worried. Send one clear message, one polite reminder, then act on your default. Keep a record of what you sent and when.
5. Share information, not decisions, where you can
Some things don’t need a discussion, just a heads-up: school reports, medical updates, a change of after-school club. Sharing these openly shows you’re keeping the other parent informed, even if they choose not to respond.
6. Look after yourself
Silence can feel personal. It helps to set times when you check messages rather than watching your phone all day. Lean on friends, family or a support group, and consider talking to a mediator if communication has broken down completely.
When silence affects your child
If a lack of communication means arrangements keep breaking down, or your child is missing time with a parent, it may be time to get advice. Family mediation can help, and if you have a child arrangements order, a solicitor can explain your options.
How Chlikk CoParenting helps
Chlikk CoParenting gives both parents one shared place for messages, calendars and expenses. Every message is timestamped and stored, so you always have a clear record of what was said and when. CoBreather™ Pro can help you rephrase messages when emotions run high, and CoGuard™ checks your wording against your court order before you send.
This article is general information for parents in England and Wales, not legal advice. For advice on your situation, speak to a family law solicitor or mediator.